FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #11

By Focus on the Family Malaysia

Just how tough is it to be a good parent today? I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family. A couple of years ago I asked one thousand mothers and fathers to describe their greatest frustrations in raising kids. I heard all kinds of goofy stories in response about sticky telephones and wet toilet seats and shoestrings in a knot. One mother actually wanted to know why it is that a toddler never throws up in the bathroom. That would violate some kind of great unwritten law of the universe to be sure. But in my poll, parents didn't merely laugh about their frustrations; they tended to blame themselves. They said they were overwhelmed and were losing confidence and didn't really know how to cope anymore. How sad it is that this age old responsibility of raising children has become so burdensome and guilt laden. Actually, the facts won't support that self-condemnation in the majority of cases. Millions of parents have handled their child rearing responsibility with great skill. And it's time that someone patted them on the back for their commitment and their sacrifice. And someday when the frustrations of toddlerhood and the turmoil of adolescence has passed they'll enjoy the sweet benefits of a job well done. Hang in there moms and dads. Your kids will be young for the mere blink of an eye. This is Dr. James Dobson for Focus on the Family.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #10

by Focus on the Family Malaysia

Grab the teachable moments with your children. I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family. A few years ago, my teenage son and I got up one morning and situated ourselves in a deer blind before the break of day. About twenty yards away from us was a feeder which operated on a timer, and at 7 AM it automatically dropped kernels of corn into a pan below. Ryan and I huddled together in the blind talking softly about whatever came to mind. Then through the fog we saw a beautiful doe emerge silently into the clearing. We had no intention of shooting her, of course, but it was fun to watch this beautiful animal from close range. The doe then ate a quick breakfast and fled. I whispered to Ryan, "There's something valuable to be learned from what we've just seen. Whenever you come upon a free supply of high quality corn unexpectedly provided right there in the middle of the forest, be careful. The people who put it there are probably sitting nearby in a blind just waiting to take a shot at you." Now Ryan may not always remember that advice, but I will. It isn't often that a father says something that he considers profound to his teenage son. One thing is certain. This interchange and the other ideas we shared on that day would not have occurred at home. Opportunities for that kind of communication have to be created. And to fathers I say, "That goal is worth whatever it costs you to achieve it."

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #9

by Focus on the Family Malaysia

It's not easy saying "no" to our children in a society that seems to say "yes" to everything. Perhaps one of the most difficult problems for today's parents to face is learning not to give our children too much. Toy companies are spending millions on advertising to children; not their parents. They know the child is the very best customer. But by giving into this pressure, parents may actually deprive their children of pleasure. You see, pleasure occurs when an intense need is met. A glass of water is worth more than gold to a man whose dying of thirst. It's worthless to the person who doesn't need it. The analogy should be obvious. If you never allow a child to want something, he never enjoys the pleasure of receiving it. If you give him a tricycle before he can walk, and a bike before he can ride, and a car before he can drive, and a diamond ring before he knows the value of money, you may actually have deprived him of satisfaction that that possession might have given him in the later years. How unfortunate it is for a child never to have the opportunity to long for something. To dream about the prize by day and plot for it by night. He might even get desperate enough to work for it. You see, saying "no" at times might be a great character builder for your child.

Father & Daughter Banquet

by Focus on the Family Malaysia

Father & Daughter Banquet is an event specifically designed for daughter age 13-19 years. Dinner includes activities for fathers and daughters to work together, a short testimony, sharing of each others dreams, learning about each others love language and ending with “Purity Commitment” – fathers will present the “Worth The Wait Ring” to his daughters conveying his commitment to protect her purity until her wedding day.

Take your daughter out for this exclusive dinner as a way of affirming her worth and femininity.

Date : 15 May 2010 (Saturday)

Venue : Palm Garden Hotel

IOI Resort

Putrajaya

Cost : RM160/pair (inclusive of a Worth the Wait silver ring worth RM60)

For more information, you can write to focus@family.org.my, call us at 03-7954 7920 (Joyce) or visit us at www.family.org.my.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #8

James C. Dobson - Broadcast Scripts - Focus on the Family Malaysia

You know it's not easy getting through adolescence today, and the effective parent must learn early on how to protect his kids. I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family. Perhaps the most painful aspect of growing up is related to the assault on self esteem that is almost universal in today's teen society. Young people typically feel like fools and failures before they've even had a chance to get started in life. So how can parents brace their younger children for the teenage years to come? Is there any way to make that passage to adulthood any easier and safer? Well, one important approach is to teach boys and girls valuable skills which will provide a centerpiece in their self identity a few years later. Learning about basketball, or tennis, or electronics, or art, or even raising rabbits for fun and profit. You see, it's not so much what you teach your child. The key is that he or she learn something with which to compensate when the whole world seems to say, "Who are you and what is your significance as a human being?" The teenager who has no answer to those questions is left with an unprotected ego and at a very vulnerable time of life. Developing and honing those skills may be the most valuable contribution parents can make during the elementary school years. I'm Dr. James Dobson for Focus on the Family.

(DDAYQ p. 179)

Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995, U.S.A.

All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #7

James C. Dobson - Broadcast Scripts - by Focus on the Family Malaysia

It's not the quantity of time that you spend with your children, it's the quality that counts. Or is it? I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family. Maybe you've heard that argument that it doesn't matter how much time you spend with your children as long as your few moments together are of high quality. Whatever that means. But the logic of that concept seems rather suspect to me. The question is, why do we have to chose between those virtues of quantity verses quality. We won't accept that forced choice in any other area of our lives. So why is it relevant only to our children. Let me give you an example. Let's suppose you've looked forward all day to going to one of the finest restaurants in town, and when you get there the waiter brings you a menu and you order the most expensive steak dinner in the house. But when the meal arrives you see this tiny little piece of meat in the center of the plate about one inch square. When you complain about the size of the steak, the waiter says, "Sir, I recognize that the portion is small, but that's the finest corn-fed beef money can buy. And afterall, it's not the quantity that matters, it's the quality that counts." Well you would certainly object. And for good reason. Both quality and quantity are important in many areas of our lives, including how we relate to children. In fact, the quantity verses quality argument might be a rationalization for giving our children neither. This is Dr. James Dobson for Focus on the Family.

Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995, U.S.A.

All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #6

James C. Dobson - Broadcast Scripts - Focus on the Family Malaysia

If American mothers were asked to indicate the most irritating feature of child rearing, I'm convinced that sibling rivalry would get their overwhelming vote. I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family. You might have noticed that little children and older ones too are not content just to hate each other in private. They attack one another like miniature warriors. Arguing and fighting, and hitting and screaming and probing for weaknesses in the defensive line. It's enough to drive a mother crazy. But it doesn't need to be that way. It is neither necessary nor healthy to allow children to destroy each other and make life miserable for the adults around them. Let me offer one suggestion that should result in a calmer tone in the relationship between children. I strongly recommend that parents be careful not to inflame the natural jealousies between children. Ever since time began brothers and sisters have resented each others successes in the eyes of their parents. That's why mothers and fathers should be very careful to avoid casual comments that favor one of their kids over the other, especially in the areas of physical attractiveness, intelligence and athletic ability. Those are the three raw nerves on which self-esteem hangs in western society. Sensitivity in those areas will reduce the antagonism between siblings and create a more harmonious tone for every member of the family. I'm Dr. James Dobson for Focus on the Family.

(DDAYQ pp. 217-218)

Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995, U.S.A.

All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #5

James C. Dobson - Broadcast Scripts -by Focus on the Family Malaysia

Several years ago I attended a wedding ceremony in a beautiful garden setting and came away with some thoughts on child rearing. I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family. My thoughts drifted on that day after the minister had instructed the groom to kiss the bride and approximately 150 colorful helium-filled balloons were released into the blue California sky. Within a few seconds the balloons scattered across the heavens, some rising hundreds of feet overhead and others cruising toward the horizon. A few balloons struggled to clear the upper branches of the trees while the show-offs became mere pinpoints of color on their journey to the sky. How interesting, I thought. And how symbolic of children. Let's face it. Some boys and girls seem to be born with more helium than others. They catch all the right breezes and they soar effortlessly to the heights. Others wobble dangerously close to the trees. Their frantic folks run along underneath, huffing and puffing to keep them airborne. It is an exhausting experience. I want to offer a word of encouragement specifically to the parents of those low-flying kids. Sometimes, the child that has the greatest trouble getting off the ground eventually soars to the highest heights. That's why I urge you as parents not to look too quickly for the person your child will become. I'm Dr. James Dobson for Focus on the Family.

Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995, U.S.A.

All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #4

James C. Dobson - Broadcast Scripts - by Focus on the Family Malaysia

Do teenagers understand these days just what a dollar is worth? Well you watch them at the mall, and sometimes you wonder. I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family. One way to educate a kid fairly fast is to give him enough cash for a particular need and then stand back and let him manage it - whatever the consequences. I knew a doctor with four daughters who decided to give each one of them an annual clothing allowance starting at the age of twelve. The girls had to budget the money throughout the year for everything they needed. The last child, in fact, celebrated her twelfth birthday by busting her budget on an expensive coat. Well, by the following spring, she was down to shredded stockings and frayed dresses. It was difficult for her parents not to intervene. But they had the courage to stand back and let her learn a valuable lesson about money management. Another parent I knew invited his fifteen year old son to help figure the families income taxes for one year. When the boy got a look at the hidden costs of running a household these days - things like mortgage interest and insurance premiums and car payments - his eyes bugged out. He had no idea that it took that much money to exist before you even started having fun. Anything in abundant supply becomes rather valueless. The sooner kids learn that there's no such thing in life as having it all, the better. I'm Dr. James Dobson for Focus on the Family.

(DDAYQ pp. 264-265, plus personal story told by Joseph Bayly)

Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995, U.S.A.

All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #3

James C. Dobson - Broadcast Scripts - by Focus on the Family Malaysia

You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a meaningful family life. The key is to build traditions that give meaning to your time together. I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family. You know, children love daily routines and activities of the simplest kind. They want to hear the same story a thousand times over or hear the same joke till you're ready to climb the wall. And yet, these interactions are sometimes more valuable in the minds of kids then are expensive toys or a special event. A friend of mine once asked his grown children what they remembered most fondly from their childhood. Was it the vacations they took or the trips to Disneyland or the zoo? "No," they answered. It was when dad got on the floor and wrestled with them. That's the way children think. The most meaningful activities in the family are often those simple interactions that build lasting bonds of love. Tradition is what it's all about. Those repetitive activities that give identity and belonging to every member of the family. In the broadway musical FIDDLER ON THE ROOF, remember that the fiddler was perched so securely on top of the house because of tradition. Tradition told every member of the community who he was, and how to deal with the demands of life. And it's still true today. I urge you to build your own traditions within your own family. It won't cost you much, but what you get back can't be measured in dollars. I'm Dr. James Dobson for Focus on the Family.

Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995, U.S.A.

All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #2

James C. Dobson - Broadcast Scripts - by Focus on the Family Malaysia

Have you noticed that laughter is the key to survival during the special stresses of the child rearing years? I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family. I've seen time and again that parents who can see the delightful side of their assignment can also deal with the difficulties. Almost every day I hear from mothers who would agree, and they share the most wonderful stories with me. One of my favorites came from the mother of two small children. This is what she wrote: "Dear Dr. Dobson: A few months ago I was making several phone calls in the family room where my 3-year old daughter, Adrian, and my 5-month old son, Nathan, were playing quietly. Now Nathan loves Adrian who's been learning how to mother him gently since the time of his birth. I suddenly realized that the children were no longer in view. Panic-stricken, I quickly hung up the phone and went looking for the pieces. Down the hall and around the corner I found the children playing cheerfully in Adrian's bedroom. Relieved and upset, I shouted, 'Adrian, you know you're not allowed to carry Nathan! He's too little and you could hurt him if he fell!' Startled, she answered, 'I didn't mommy.' Well, knowing that he couldn't crawl, I suspiciously demanded, 'Well, then. How did he get all the way into your room?' Confident of my approval for her obedience, she said with a smile, 'I rolled 'em!' He's alive and they're still best friends. Sincerely, Nancy." Humor; it can carry you through many a family crisis. I'm Dr. James Dobson for Focus on the Family.

Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995, U.S.A.

All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COMMENTARY - Clip #1

James C. Dobson - Broadcast Scripts - Focus on the Family Malaysia

Have you noticed there are two kinds of kids in the world? Yes, there's boys and girls, but that's not what I mean. I'm Dr. James Dobson with Focus on the Family talking about compliant children and strong-willed children. Compliant kids are the ones who sleep through the night from the second week of life. They coo at their grandparents and they smile while you're changing their diapers, and of course they never spit up on the way to the grocery store or to the doctors office. During later childhood they love to keep their rooms clean, and they do their homework, and they like to help set the table for dinner. Then there are the other kind. Those who come out of the womb smoking a cigar, and yelling about the temperature in the delivery room, and the utter incompetence of the nursing staff. They expect meals to be served the instant they're ordered and they demand every moment of a mother's time. Compliant children are a breeze to raise, of course, but the tougher kids can turn out fine too if mom and dad are willing to accept the challenge. If you shape that strong will without breaking the spirit during the early years you can prepare that child for a responsible and disciplined adulthood. The trick is to set boundaries and expectations in advance and then enforce them with love. Even the toughest kids find security in a structured environment where the rights of other people as well as their own are protected. I'm Dr. James Dobson for Focus on the Family.

(Strong-Willed Child pp. 20, 24,30)

Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995, U.S.A.

All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

Focus Event - Creative Play - 16 Sep 2009

by Focus on the Family Malaysia

The title of the seminar is Creative Play to Strengthen Family Bond and Connectedness. Parents are suitable to attend this seminar.

This parenting seminar will highlight skills to help parents in forming healthy and nurturing parent-child relationships.

Dr. Lim Mee Gaik is a senior adjunct professor at Park University, Texas and has taught undergraduate and graduate courses for over 10 years. She has published extensively on topics of family, marriage and counseling and will be sharing with us from her wealth of experience and knowledge.

The learning objectives for the seminar are:
1) To increase awareness of healthy family dynamics;
2) To provide skills to increase family bonding, cohesion, and nurturing;
3) To develop healthy communication skills; and
4) To encourage play and humor in families.

Date: 16 September 09 (Wednesday)
Time: 8pm - 10pm
Venue: Focus on the Family Malaysia

For further information, please drop me a message with your email address or email me at parents.connection123@gmail.com and I will gather the information and send it to you.

Father & Son Adventure Camp 2009

by Focus on the Family Malaysia

This Father and Son Adventure Camp is designed for fathers with sons who are aged 8-12 years old:
Date: 25-26 September 2009
Venue: SUFES Campsite, Tapah
Limited to 40 pairs only

For the purposes of the camp, which is to encourage one-to-one bonding, each father may bring only one son per camp. Activities throughout the camp will not be too strenous for the average father nor too easy for average son.

Please drop me a note or email (parents.connection123@gmail.com) you want to know more details! :)